


Run

by aykayem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-23
Updated: 2011-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-15 21:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aykayem/pseuds/aykayem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry leaves Draco behind to contemplate things on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run

“I don’t care what you think, Draco - I’m going. I thought you, of all people, would understand the necessity of actions. I’ve made a promise, and I’m damn well going to fulfill it. We’ll discuss this when I get back.”

Just like that, he was gone - as easily as he had stepped into my life, he had removed himself from it. Honestly, only Potter was capable of saving all the wrong people, then dumping them on their arses once he found someone new to save. His words held certain implications, I knew that much - he’d only talk to me if I promised to behave, if I was willing to sit and have an ‘adult’ discussion on the matter. I don’t know where he got off calling me childish; the fact that we were fighting at all stemmed from him refusing to acknowledge my genuine concern for his well-being. Maybe it was just too much to ask - getting Draco Malfoy to open up and be monogamous for more than a week or two was enough for him. It was obviously time to move on.

God forbid I tell him I love him.

\---

The next few days were hell. It didn’t matter where I went or what I did, someone was on me about Potter. It was only marginally surprising that the world knew about us: we weren’t exactly private about our relationship. I’d estimate half of the teaching staff had caught in some marginally compromising position in a corridor, a stairwell, a classroom, or some combination of the three. Still, it was never ‘oh, Draco, are you alright with him leaving like that? It must be so hard for you,’ it was always ‘Oi, Malfoy, where’s Potter gone?’ No one seemed to have heard about our little verbal duel; I suppose I should have been glad for that.

The longer he was away, though, the harder it seemed to to get. Instead of being able to get to sleep easily by telling myself he’d be back the next day, and everything would have blown over, I began to toss and turn, only eventually falling asleep after crying myself to that point through thoughts that he wouldn’t come back - he hated me too much. It didn’t strike me as that much of a stretch of the imagination.

\---

After the second week, people finally started to notice. I was rather surprised they hadn’t earlier, but I supposed my reputation may have preceded me, suggesting to the lot of them to just leave me alone. It was really at that point that my already pale skin had lost nearly all colour, my eyes had grown dark - not a good look for me, really - and I was even thinner than usual. I felt like absolute shit all the time, looking no better, and I’m sure it showed when I casually slid from my seat and out of class at least once a day, usually to throw up what little made it to my stomach.

Blaise cared of the most of anyone. Of course, that wasn’t saying much. Still, he knew me beforehand, and had few ulterior motives behind his concern for my well-being short of ‘think of your mum’. Apparently, I’m too good to lose myself on a boy, especially when he’s a meager one at that. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I lost myself ages ago - Harry just held me together. He was the glue to my mind, the thing that made all the pieces fit. It was almost less a feeling of regret that he might never speak to me again, and more a sense that the only thing that kept me sane had just walked out the door.

\---

The third week saw me up to the only spot that allowed me to think; I had discovered the Astronomy Tower years back, and realised quickly how well it put things in perspective. Up there, everyone was small - just an insignificant morsel in the greater scheme of things. As a crisp breeze ruffled my lackluster blond locks about my face, I thought that perhaps I wasn’t in the best state of mind to be up there. Heedless of my own worries, I stepped closer to the rail to get a better view of the school grounds and a greater taste of that breeze.

It struck me as a good idea at the time, being up there; as I tipped forward to try and catch another small taste of the crispness blowing past me, I realised it might not be. The back of my mind screamed at me to step back, to save myself, while the rest of my weight began to pull me down and over. The breeze remained enticing, and somehow, I knew it was the answer to the dreadful feeling perpetually that had lingered in the pit of my stomach since he left. Maybe I should have taken a moment to think it over - weigh the pros and cons, as it were - but I was a mite tired of being someone who planned everything: predictable little Draco Malfoy. I was going to do something that none of them would expect, not in a thousand years. This would be the biggest shock to the school since Potter first spoke Parseltongue.

The Astronomy Tower was probably the highest tower of the entirety of Hogwarts. I didn’t realise it before, not even as I gazed down and out in between classes; the wind whistled through my hair, whipping it along with my robes around my falling body. I was never much of an adrenaline junkie, but I suddenly realised what a release free-falling was - I had never felt so free.

It was a short-lived pleasure, met with pain. Of course, I don’t even know at which point I died: my eyes had been closed since almost the moment my feet cleared the rail. Someone would find me soon, I knew - that part of the grounds was popular, and it was hard to miss a Prefect spread-eagled at awkward angles in a growing puddle of his own blood.

Luck was with me that day, more than I’d ever known in my entire life. Granger was the first to come by; the shrill shriek was more than enough to tell me - and everyone else within earshot - that I’d be carted away, limp and lanky, without fail.

All good things must come to an end, though - my luck would be as short-lived as the feeling of lightness I had felt falling. Harry returned the next day, the only attendant of my school-wide funeral who genuinely cared. Not even my supposed friends seemed to care, besides Pansy’s crocodile tears and a brief mourning period from Blaise; somehow, the girl always thought I was oblivious to whenever she faked it, but she was dearly mistaken.

“So...what, Malfoy just offed himself?”

“I heard his boyfriend dumped him.”

“Ugh, I always knew he was a bloody coward.”

“What a waste of time. Even History of Magic is more interesting than this.”

“If I hear another one of you disrespect Malfoy, you’ll find my wand so far down your throat, you’ll be able to taste my robes.”

“You’re kidding, right, Potter? You hated him just as much as the rest of us did. Unless, of course, those rumours were true.”

\---

Honestly, looking back, I don’t know exactly why I thought things were so abruptly over - even with everything that happened, it still remained that Potter’s affections rarely waned once they were fully directed. Perhaps I had been too hasty. Perhaps I should have trusted him more.

Even now, I realise that when he wasn’t with me, I could always feel him with me. I just wish that our longest goodbye could have been filled with less fear, that I could have looked at him and known not to be so afraid. It was just so damn hard when his back was to me, strong-willed as I was.

I ran for my life those last few weeks, and without him to help me find myself, I fell. I was lost without him, and lost I’ll remain.


End file.
